In "Ten Steps To An Ideal Relationship" I note that Step 6 is about being courageous in all your communications.

It is important that when something is to be said that it is said in a respectful and truthful manner. Holding things back can cause them to be pushed into the unconscious where they will "ferment" into feelings of anger, negative behaviors, and abuse and so on.

Yes I know that you've heard the importance of communication in your relationships but have you ever stopped to reflect on why individuals have such a difficult time doing it?

Well most people never really look at this and therefore never really get themselves from underneath the problem.

Rather they are taught strategies of how to communicate by therapists and the like.

Well here you have an opportunity to become aware of why this is a problem for you at all and how to finally get rid of it.

Here we go.

There are many reasons why individuals fail to communicate to their partners:

1. They themselves are not even conscious of what they are feeling inside.

2. They are afraid that being honest with the other is going to hurt them.

3. They are afraid that being honest with the other is going cause them to be rejected.

4. They believe its only going to create turbulence in the relationship and might even destroy it.

5. They are afraid they are going to be attacked by the other person.

6. They are afraid that what they say will be dismissed and that this will make them feel small, insignificant, frustrated and/or angry.

And so on.

You see all of this internal conditioning is what blocks one from speaking up when it is necessary.

Where does all of this come from? Well when we were children most of us were not listened to at one time or another. As a result we projected certain meanings into why this happened to us. These still sit in our unconscious minds and bodies undermining our self confidence at every turn.

What do you think this conditioning will do to a relationship?

Well when your partner finds out that you were not open and honest about something that needed to be said their trust in you will be eroded. This then shuts them down as well and there you have the beginnings of a wedge in your bond of intimacy.

This wedge only grows until it of course leads to the demise of the relationship.

Get the picture?

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